


Captain's Blog

by captainredscarf



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, And stuff ensues, Blogger Jim, Blogging, Blogs, F/M, Is that a thing, M/M, Roommates, Roommates to lovers, so basically a bunch of the crew live in a house together
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-02
Updated: 2014-05-07
Packaged: 2018-01-17 21:01:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 2,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1402327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainredscarf/pseuds/captainredscarf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blog description: Hi, my name is Jim. This blog is where I vent about the shenanigans of my roommates at 1701 Enterprise Lane: the weird exchange student Spock who I'm pretty sure is a sociopath, the beautiful Nyota who refuses to date me, my best friend Bones, these two weird freshmen who are never here, and a Scottish engineering student and his dog, Keenser. For aome reason we share a house. It's pretty crazy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 18 August- Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> .....yeah, I have no idea...
> 
> I have no idea where I'm gonna take this or if I'm gonna take this anywhere at all. The idea popped into my head when I was watching Star Trek on my laptop and my sister was watching New Girl on the tv. I thought, what if they all lived together? And Jim blogged about it, because that's easier to write than a full-on story?

**Introduction**

**August 18th, 16:08**

Hello there. My name is Jim Kirk. I suppose I should give you a little introduction or something now or I'd be a really shitty blogger. Okay then. Here goes. I'm a junior in college, from Iowa, and I'm about to move in to an off-campus house with my friend Bones. No, not that kind of friend. Seriously. We're not together. I work nights at a local bar because this house is seriously expensive. Not to mention the whole college education thing. We can fit at least three or four more people here and we hope that'll help pay the rent. No takers yet, but we haven't even started advertising for it yet. 

You're probably wondering: why a blog? I'm kind of wondering that myself. 

Two reasons, probably. One, I've been told by multiple people that my 'adventures' should be written down and published, so there's that. Two, I really don't feel like moving a bunch of heavy boxes around and unpacking right now. I am a bit of a procrastinator. 

1701 Enterprise Lane is a really nice house. The downstairs has a kitchen, this big living room area with a fireplace and everything, a library, and a dining room. On the second floor there's five bedrooms and this small office thingy. On the third floor there are three rooms. Bones has suggested we use that for storage. 

Oh yeah, I should probably describe Bones. He's three years older than me, in pre-med. Pretty damn smart, but don't tell him I said that. He'd have an aneurism and there'd be no one to treat him. He has a daughter who's two that he never gets to see. It gives him this sort of weary aura that makes him seem older than he is. I like him. He sees me for me, instead of the poor half-orphaned son of my father the great tragic war hero. His name was George Kirk. You've probably heard all about his heroics and shit in school when the war is brought up. Sacrificed himself for the nation and all that jazz. What a hero. 

We've got a few weeks before classes start to get settled in. I probably won't ever work on this blog but whatever. I'm gonna go order a pizza now. Kirk out.


	2. 19 August- The Craigslist Ad

**The Craigslist Ad**

**August 19th, 17:38**

Ah, whadaya know. I'm updating again. I opened my laptop to update the Craigslist ad and there it was: Jim's Grand Adventures in Procrastination. 

Probably shouldn't use that as the blog's name. That's terrible and not catchy at all. 

Bones is yelling at me to take down the Craigslist ad. The conversation we had last night went roughly as follows:

_Me: Oh, hey, Bones, I decided to be a super awesome person and take some initiative by posting some ads. You know, 'roommate wanted' and that kind of stuff._

_Bones: Where did you do that?_

_Me: Uh, Craigslist._

_Bones: *turns into the Incredible Hulk* YOU WHAT????!!?? JAMES T KIRK. CRAIGSLIST IS FOR SERIAL KILLERS AND CRAZY CAT LADIES AND DRUG DEALERS. THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL WE'RE GOING TO FIND A TRUSTWORTHY ROOMMATE ON CRAIGSLIST!!!!!!!!!! DO YOU EVEN THINK? BLAH BLAH BLAH IRRESPONSIBLE BLAH BLAH MURDERERS BLAH BLAH BLAH NOW THE PSYCHOS WILL HAVE OUR ADDRESS. GOOD FREAKIN' GOING. BLAH BLAH BLAH I HAVE SO MUCH WISDOM WITH THE THREE YEARS I SPENT ALIVE BEFORE YOU WERE BORN. BLAH BLAH BLAH SOMETHING ELSE ABOUT KILLERS._

As you can clearly see, he took it poorly. Here I was, trying to spread the word about our lovely little setup here, and he just had to go all apeshit. 

Besides, the house has a deadbolt lock, and we live in a tiny-ass college town where the biggest crime is drunk and disorderly frat parties. No one's going to come filet us while we sleep. And if they were going to, they would have done it with or without a Craigslist ad. This morning I told him that if we died I'd give him twenty bucks. For some reason he wasn't reassured. Even now he won't stop yelling up the stairs for me to take down the listing. I refuse. We need roommates for the rent and the sooner the better. 

Bones and I spent most of yesterday evening and this morning getting the other bedrooms ready for potential roommates. I decided to take one of the third floor rooms because they're the biggest and there's a little deck that's pretty nice if a little terrifying. Bones refuses to go out on it. He's claimed one of the second floor rooms. 

Hahaha, Bones, take that! 

I just checked my email and there's a message with the subject line **1701 Enterprise Lane rental** from someone called mscotty11@gmail.com. I'm gonna open it now. 

I opened it. And I was totally right. 'mscotty11' is a senior transferring to our college from the University of Glasgow. That's in Scotland, by the way. He wants to go into engineering in the States and thinks studying over here would give him an advantage when he goes job seeking. And he can pay rent. Now I have to go tell Bones. Wish me luck, o random corner of the internet.

 

**Update: 19:24- Bones has agreed to give this guy a chance as long as we set up an interview or something beforehand to make sure that he's not a serial killer.**


	3. 20 August- The New Roommate/20 August- SHIT THERE'S A DOG

**The New Roommate**

 

**August 20, 18:47**

 

Yesterday Bones and I set up a Skype meeting with the new potential roommate. His name is M-something-or-other Scott. I didn't forget his name or anything. I'm not rude, I just couldn't hear him because the connection was slow. He seems like not a serial killer, much to Bones's relative dismay. I think he almost wanted our friendly neighborhood mscotty11 to be a pedophile or something just so he could rub it in my face. Well, he's not any kind of creepy person, surface-wise at least. He still might be a serial killer one day, but then again, anyone could, from the cute girl at Starbucks to the significantly less cute elderly guy who lives next door. Seriously, that guy's got enough halitosis to singlehandedly pollute the entire town's air supply. I always feel bad whenever I see him because he seems so lonely. Maybe if he didn't kill off everything within a five mile radius, people might approach him. 

 

I have an idea, dear nonexistent readers. I'm going to order some mouthwash off of Amazon and 'accidentally' send it to the wrong address. I'm a genius, guys, really. 

 

Anyways, Scotty- that's what I started calling him- not the neighbor, the possible roommate- is going to move in, which makes him less of a possible roommate and more of a legitimate thing that is happening. It's pretty exciting. I'm excited. 

 

* * *

 

 

**SHIT THERE'S A DOG**

 

**August 20, 21:17**

 

Shit. Scotty has a  _dog_.

 

Damn damn damn. I can't exactly kick him out, but Bones is going to flip. a. shit. 

 

If Bones kills me, dear internet, tell him he can't have my stuff because he killed me. Who am I kidding, he'll probably just take it all anyway. 


	4. 26 August- Update

**August 26, 10:14**

**Update**

 

Well, dear nonexistent readers, it's been a while, like five days or something. A lot has happened since I last update the Blog O' Procrastination. 

Number one- I broke the news about the whole dog thing to Bones. He made a number of valid points such as the fact that I have more allergies than the stereotypical nerdy character added to a sitcom for humor value, and the dog will get dander everywhere, and that dogs are messy and require a lot of upkeep, to which I replied with several valid points of my own, which included the fact that I had a dog when I was younger (true, it was only for one summer 'til I realized that the dog I'd been keeping in my back yard was the very same 'Spot' on the MISSING DOG posters all around town) and was not allergic to it and that Scotty would be solely responsible for the thing's upkeep. That's a great word. Upkeep. And cleaning. And food. And things. Besides, if he has a dog, he's likely to need to stick around all the time which means housesitting which means we can go off and do random shit like road trips. ROAD TRIPS. What kind of college experience would we be having anyways without wild, impromptu, poorly planned treks across the country? A bad one, that's for sure. God, Bones, haven't you ever seen any movies or television?

Number two- WE HAVE FRESHMEN. I REPEAT, WE HAVE FRESHMEN. There's two of them. One's Russian, apparently a bona fide genius or something, because he's here on a full ride and some program is paying for his off-campus lodgings. There's our stereotypical nerdy character right there. The other one is from San Francisco, which is significantly less exciting, but whatever. This means that there are now five people set to live in our lovely 1701 Enterprise Lane. Which means I have to pay like no rent whatsoever and that we've got a sitcom set-up. I call being the spontaneous, sexy, handsome main guy whose charm and charisma and winning attitude and- okay, you get the point- all that cool stuff get him out of any mishaps. That's pretty much me, btw. Bones can be the neurotic but lovable guy who is the house mom. Scotty and Russian Genius-kid can be the foriegn dudes for obvious reasons. No telling what the San Fran guy is gonna be like. Hopefully he's cool. 

 

Number three- well, this didn't so much  _happen_ as is going to happen, but Scotty and the Freshmen (sounds like a band name, am I right) have set move in dates!!!!!! Scotty's moving in on the twenty eighth and the freshmen are the day after that. Super excited. 

 

Right now, I'm in my room, typing this on my old, rundown laptop. I think I may go find some bagels for dinner.

 

Hopefully one of the new roommates can cook, because I'm getting really tired of takeout and stuff.


	5. 28 August- The Dog

**The Dog**

**August 28, 20:27**

 

Hello again, dear World Wide Web. Guess who we picked up from the airport today? Hint- it's one of our roommates. Another hint- he has a dog. Ding ding, correct! It's Scotty. He looks exactly like he did in our Skype session which isn't exactly surprising. To me, at least. I think Bones was secretly half convinced that he had hired an unemployed actor to play the part of a college student to convince us that he was a normal guy and then he'd show up on campus and- bam! We'd be dead, our intestines waving like sausages in the wind. Or something. 

But in real life, he was just sitting outside Customs and Immigration, eating a rather wilted looking sandwich, and feeding bits of it to his dog every once in a while. Bones had insisted on coming with me to pick him up. He's strangely protective of me, in a way that's part older brother/good friend normal, and part weird smothering helicopter parent that homeschools their kids only to shelter them from the real world. Poor, poor Joanna. If he does this with me, I can't imagine what he would do to his own flesh 'n blood daughter. She'll probably die an old maid because he'll never let a heterosexual male come within a five mile radius of her. Pretend your boyfriends are gay, Joanna. Just do it. 

Anyways- Scotty's dog. Keenser, the thing's name is, which is really weird. I asked him if it was some traditional Scottish name and he just shrugged and chewed on his sandwich. THAT DOG IS AWESOME. He's really smart and he is incredibly loyal, too. He's got this air of mischief about him that makes Bones's eyelid twitchy and charms me. I'm glad Delta Airlines allowed him on board because this dog is seriously cool. 

We ordered pizza again because poor jetlagged Scotty fell straight asleep as soon as he chose a room. If you've never seen a schnauzer begging for pizza, I wouldn't recommend it. Resistance is futile.


	6. 29 August- Uhura

**Uhura**

**August 29th, 23:48**

 

GUYS. GUYS GUYS _GUYS_. I met the most amazing woman tonight. Her name is Uhura. I asked her what her first name was, but she refused to tell me. She probably thought I was coming on too strong. I went with Bones to our favorite bar- well, my favorite bar, anyways, Bones is a closet germophobe- and I was drinking when she sat down two seats away from me. 

_Me: Hey._

_Uhura: Hell to the no_ (or something).

_Me: I'm Jim._

_Gaila: Hey, Uhura!_

_Me: Uhura! So that's your name!_

_Uhura: Thanks a ton, Gaila._

_Gaila: Oh, sorry. *giggles*_

_Me: They have last names where you're from?_

_Uhura: That is my last name._

_Me: They got first names where you're from?_

_Gaila: My last name is O'Ryan._

_Me: I'm Jim._

_Gaila: You're hot._

_Bones: Okay then. Jim, don't we need to be-_

 

And then we left. Bones doesn't let me ave any fun. What are Saturday nights for if not for fake IDs and pretty women? I was really getting somewhere with Uhura.... and if not, then Gaila.... Damn you, Bones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gaila's last name is O'Ryan... because she's Orion.... hahahaha. ha. ha. hahaha. ha haahaha.


	7. 30 August- Freshmen and stuff

**Freshmen and stuff**

**August 30, 13:21  
**

 

Classes start on Monday. It's Saturday. Help! 

 

Anyways, two things happened. One, Uhura still refuses to go out with me or even give me her first name (although Gaila O'Ryan seems eager to get a piece of this fine bod). I don't understand. She's attractive, I'm attractive, that usually is enough. Oh well, at least I have something to work towards all year, like a personal goal, though I have no doubts that we'll get together sooner than that. 

The other thing that happened was the freshmen moved in. The Russian guy is like a little puppy himself. Seventeen years old, jesus. Bones heard this and went around muttering about how old and creaky he was as soon as he heard this. The kid's name is Pavel Chekov, and he's really friendly. He took a shine straight away to the other freshman, the Californian with a Japanese name, Hikaru Sulu. I like Sulu. He seems really cool. Less... eager than Chekov, perhaps, but still cool. Scotty the Scottish guy spends most of his time sleeping because he's jetlagged. We just hang out with the dog instead. No one's moved into the other upstairs room yet, which is fine by me. Sulu's filled his room with all sorts of plants. It's a mystery how they got here, beause there's at least a dozen of them and he took a plane to get here. Very strange. He and Chekov chose the rooms with the shared closet in between them. I can tell that they're going to become bffs. They're off at orientation right now. Hey, it sounds like Scotty's finally emerged from his lair. I'm going to go see if he and Bones want to go get lunch somewhere while the kids are off at school. Maybe we'll run into Uhura and Gaila again. Wish me luck. Kirk out!


End file.
